There are distinct days in my life when it feels like a chapter is ending. You would think that the beginning of University would be the obvious choice for this new beginning but it didn’t feel that way. Maybe it was because of boarding school that living in dorms didn’t feel so foreign or maybe being on my own again felt more comfortable than I remember from before. Either way, I wasn’t struggling in the first few weeks of school because well, there wasn’t much to be worried about.
However, when everything is going right in your life, it tends to do a 180 and stab you in the back. Slowly my health, my mind, my relationships were deteriorating one by one and I felt lost in my new environment. It didn’t help that I was aware that I was the cause of all my problems, either. Feeling this way is difficult when you’re making new friends because it’s awkward to go crazy on them within the first few weeks of knowing them. Naturally, I did what anyone would do — act normal. And this is where the problem starts.
Everyone has their ups and downs but the way they deal with them differs from person to person. I tend to lean towards the ignore-everything-until-it-all-comes-crashing-down approach. And, well, surprise! That’s exactly what happened. A positive note: coming out of it has made me calmer and more focused on my priorities for this next chapter. I’m still unsure as to why I’m sharing this but I feel like as this is my personal outlet, it’s nice to have a public reminder of not just the good but also the bad, because it’s natural and we should all be okay with the fact that life isn’t perfect and will never be. I have a lot to prove this year – to my parents, my friends and most importantly, myself. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first and I need to actually start doing that. Let’s hope the next few months aren’t as dramatic as this one.
– Andrea x