It’s exactly a week and a bit until I fly back to England and as time quickens, well what can I say, inspiration struck.
One of my posts, identity, explains why I feel that I have never truly belonged to a certain group of people and reading it now, after 2 years, I understand where I’m coming from. Take a teenage, angst-filled, soul searching girl and throw her into a society completely different from the one she grew up in and you get – confusion.
Anyway, I still haven’t truly found “home” but I’ve narrowed it down to four places that I feel at home in, and here they are:
I’ve written these paragraphs in 2nd person to give my future self an opportunity to reflect on my feelings regarding this topic.
This is where you spent most of your time. It’s where you’ve made the most memories, met the most people, grew up seeing the country change and progress. You’ve found places that take you back in time – the schools, the beach, the tuition centres you frequented (haha), the swings 10 minutes away from your house, your house(s) in themselves. Where you’ve fallen in love the most. It’s the country you feel the most familiar in.
This is where you feel the most identified. Being Indonesian-Dutch, seeing the majority of people around you mirroring the image of yourself makes you feel as though you are part of a community you never really found in Singapore. You can’t converse in your native tongue, but even then, you form a sense of understanding through the way you interact with strangers and because of it, the community transforms into a version of a family you never actually had the chance to meet.
This is where you grew up the most and where you spent the last years of teenage hood. This time was when the world seemed to challenge you the most and when everything became all too much, you learnt how to cope with it. The simple changes you made to your behaviour or your reaction to situations compared to your “child” self defined what adult hood may be for you. You still have a long way to go, but you’ll get there.
This is where you found the person that you want to be. It formed an idealised version of the “Andrea” that you want to achieve. You learned how to let people down in the best way possible, how unsafe can be thrilling but at a price, how to love with a time limit and how to leave the ones you have grown to care for without breaking too many hearts. It is the place that you felt the most peace in and had little to no distractions from doing what you love and finding out the things you genuinely liked. It is where you met the most inspiring people and where you want to revisit, to find out more things you didn’t know about yourself.
Till whenever, Andrea x