May // Afraid

There are many things that scare us in this world and I am no stranger to the feeling of being afraid.

In fact, here’s a list of things that terrify me a little:

  • Heights
  • Commitment (deep)
  • Not being able to have children
  • Crocodiles
  • Being kidnapped
  • When fish jump out of ponds onto land and flip towards you to because it wants to be saved but you’re stunned and you’re just screaming is anyone else feeling this or is this just me?

Just to name a few.

In September I’m moving back to England and starting school at the University of Exeter where I will be spending one year doing foundation and then hopefully the 3 years following that studying the liberal arts.

That’s the dream, at least.

Other dreams of mine would be: opening my own NGO, working for the UN/WHO, building my own house from scratch on a remote island in Indonesia, live in south america for a few years, have a family of 4 or more…

The more I stare out of bus windows listening to inspirational music by frank ocean, my list just grows and grows.

But the thing about dreams is that they can crumble and fall like a brick wall when you smash it with that big ball thing that I don’t know the name of.

People will tell you that what you’re thinking of isn’t realistic, it can never happen, or in my case..

“Will you even make money in that industry?”

“Sure, caring for other people is great but what happens when you have to support your family?”

“We’re all going to die anyway, why bother helping if it’s not going to change?”

“What’s wrong with Singapore?”

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?” or “Have you thought about which race you want to marry yet?” (Like I have a selection)

“How many children do you want?”

“You want to work and raise your own children?”

Now these are all valid questions and something that everyone is going to encounter some time in their lives. Obstacles that life will throw us can make the path that we originally paved out for ourselves transform from a smooth tarmac road into a dusty, rocky, wavy, hilly road with blockages along the way.

And that scares me – that I will never be able to finish checking off my dreams off this imaginary check list of mine.

Of course over time my dreams might change and in 10 years my only dream will be to have a baby, but until then…this 19 year old has big plans.

And maybe, just maybe, with a little luck, some of these dreams will come true.

-Andrea x


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