Personal

Focus

 

That’s what I’m lacking currently. And trust me, I know, this is a method of procrastination. But I’m trying to live a life without regrets so I’m just going to do this. It’s currently homework hour and the radiator’s on (and thank god because it’s 4 degrees outside) and I’m supposed to be studying for my 3 hour biology exam tomorrow. To be honest, I just feel like giving up. The rational for this would be that no matter how hard I try to study, nothing goes into my head and nothing stays there. I need time. And time is what I don’t have, seeing how my exam starts in 13 hours.

And then it got me thinking. What part of life do I focus on? And then it dawned on me. Others. I focus on those around me. I take in things, I try to figure things out for other people, doing things I’ve lost the inspiration for and being a person that I’m sick of and don’t want to be. And I don’t agree that who you are cannot change. I can’t remember the last time that I was completely honest with myself and those around me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lie to my friends 24/7, I just don’t tell them how I really feel. Whether that be a good or bad feeling, it doesn’t matter. The matter is that I don’t say what I really want to say. This occurred to me two days ago, where I can honestly say that I was being my 100% self, obnoxiously weird, open, loud self and I just felt so happy. Actually happy. For the first time in a long time.

It’s been 2 days and I’ve been this way for the past 48 hours and I feel so open and free. It’s weird because people feel like I’m going through a happy/crazy spell but honestly I’m just being me and if people can’t handle that then I guess that’s the world’s way of saying we weren’t meant to be.

Yeah. That’s it.

Andrea x

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